i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
