Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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