Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
