Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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