i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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