Tell her she can't have a vagina
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
