If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
