My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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