i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
