I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
