i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
