It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I will pee on everything he values.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
