So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize