I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You took a bar mat shot.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
