you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
