so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
