the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize