Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
