the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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