He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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