There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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