Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
