Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
