Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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