I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
