Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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