remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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