All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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