Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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