So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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