His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
