it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
