I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
