Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
