woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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