uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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