Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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