his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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