Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
