I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
