forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
two words...techno handjob
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
