I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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