um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
