We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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