Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
