Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
