You smell like stripper and shame
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
