i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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