It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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