She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize