he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
